


I've Lost You, And With You A Part Of Myself

by GayLlamaFromSpace



Series: Yennaia Soulmate AU (Severed Bond) [1]
Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/F, Lost Love, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:48:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25066417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayLlamaFromSpace/pseuds/GayLlamaFromSpace
Summary: Tissaia and Yennefer are soulmates, but the day after Rinde, something changes and Tissaia has to face a horrible truth.(This is Tissaia centric. One-shot prequel to possible upcoming fic)
Relationships: Tissaia de Vries/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Series: Yennaia Soulmate AU (Severed Bond) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1822753
Comments: 15
Kudos: 52





	I've Lost You, And With You A Part Of Myself

Rinde had been a disaster. But she had tried, she truly had. After discussing with the Chapter about her meeting with Yennefer, she continued to run their conversation over and over again in her head. Tissaia can admit that it could have gone much better, she could have tried for a different approach. Perhaps she had been too forward? She knows that Yennefer hates Aretuza, that much has been obvious since her ascension. What she doesn't understand is why, after all this time, she continues to be a pain in her ass. She, and the brotherhood, had tolerated her abandonment of Aedirn. That couldn't be helped, they understood her reasons, but her constant need to belittle and speak so horrendously of the brotherhood? Her quest for a womb she will never be able to replace? Her waste of magical talent and the education she'd gotten at Aretuza on common folk for money? It's simply unacceptable.

Yennefer, of course, had not agreed. What else was Tissaia to have expected though? It's just like Yennefer to focus her attention on an impossible goal and be just as stubborn as she always is with pursuing it. Which Tissaia can't help but love her for. Yennefer's stubbornness and quick wit had always been infuriatingly endearing for Tissaia, and she knows better than to deny it. She also knows better than to push matters farther than she already had. Yennefer would quiet down some, the council finding more pressing matters to deal with. So, she is content to let Yennefer continue as she will, eventually they will meet again and they can forget their argument, Tissaia has utmost confidence in the notion. They must come together at some point, seeing how they are destined for one another.

Even so, being ruthlessly insulted and belittled by your soulmate and former student doesn't exactly feel all that wonderful. Tissaia won't ponder on the hurt she felt, Yennefer's words had truly burned her, but she will acknowledge that it stung. Yennefer had grown to be quite the verbal opponent over the years, since the events of the ball, she had clearly learned a few things from her experience in court. It would do well to have someone of equal intelligence on her arm, and within time Yennefer will learn to appreciate Tissaia's presence, not loathe it. That is why, when Tissaia had left Rinde, she let herself think forward rather than obsess over their argument. That would get her nowhere, so it's only natural that she ponders on it after letting the coals cool down.

There's no more threat of bursting into flames with frustration should she blow on them too hard, so letting her mind wander to yesterday would have no unintended emotional responses. Tissaia prides herself on her calm and collected behavior, unlike many of the mages traipsing about the continent. Yennefer is one of them of course, but Tissaia can tolerate her well enough. While Tissaia walks to her chambers, her heels clicking on the stone floors of the barren hallways, she recalls the events of only a few hours ago with serenity. Yennefer's words had cut deep into Tissaia then, the way she had dismissed her with so much venom and contempt had nearly brought Tissaia to tears. Nearly, there's nothing more hideous than a crying sorceress, and Tissaia refuses to ever cry. She hasn't in a long time. But Yennefer had been so cruel, and for the first time in perhaps a thousand years, Tissaia had felt sadness. 

She had replayed the encounter maybe 2 times before she was interrupted in her trek down the hall - a small distance from her rooms, by a searing pain in her abdomen and chest. She curled into herself, gasping pathetically. Her knees nearly buckled at the pain, causing her to have to grip the wall so that she may steady herself. With her hand pressed against her chest, she winces, her breathing faltering for a second. Far too long for comfort. The pain subsides almost as instantly as it had appeared, and she's left leaning weakly against a wall and inhaling as much oxygen as she can. There's a phantom ache in her chest, right around her heart and encompassing a fair bit of her chest. She feels weak, and dazed slightly, but strangely… empty. Something is wrong, seriously wrong.

Tissaia struggled the next few steps to her office, and practically fell through the door. She slams it behind her and leans against it, chest heaving from her struggle. Her strength is returning, and she feels herself returning to normal, but that ache in her chest is still there. Along with that peculiar void. She's lost something, but what could it be? She had only been walking and thinking, surely that can't be the cause of this mysterious lapse. After locking the door, she carefully walks to one of the long couches on either side of her room. She takes a seat, not nearly as elegantly as she usually would, but proper decorum can go fuck itself for right now. Reclining herself gently, she slouches into the sofa and allows herself to get comfortable. 

She's felt this before. Not the pain, but the ache and the emptiness in her chest. There's only been one instance before this happened, and she loathes to know what this means. Surely she couldn't be dead. That's impossible! The council had agreed to leave her be, there's no way Yennefer could have possibly been killed. But the fear that Tissaia feels is starting to consume her. They could have lied, or worse, they could have already dispatched assassin's to kill her before the meeting. This horrible thought is what prompts Tissaia to search for Yennefer, not physically of course, but to look for her chaos. She can do it just fine with inexperienced girls who have their conduit moments, so it's no struggle to find her. But it's not as easy as it had been before, but that was because of their bond, they will always find each other because of it.

She's alive, and the relief that Tissaia feels is incomparable to any other feeling of pure gratitude that has ever been felt. Destiny had decided not to screw her completely over today, and that is blessing enough. But that leaves her with more questions. Where is their bond? This feeling, though it may be different from the first time, is akin to when she'd lost her first soulmate. They had died though, not too long before Yennefer was born no doubt, but Yennefer is alive. How could their bond have ceased to exist? This leaves Tissaia feeling as if she's been tricked, cheated. She lost her first love, many years ago, so long ago that the pain of losing them has gone away. Now… now she is greeted with the harsh reality that she may never have love.

There's only one explanation, their bond has been severed, it's gone. How that could have happened - Tissaia doesn't know. She does know that this ache and emptiness within her is a scar and remnant of what was once there. It's gone, the one thing that made Tissaia feel as if loving Yennefer wasn't hopeless, that made her believe that she had a chance. It hurts, this pain is worse than even her initial pain at the bond's breakage, and it hurts so much more because she knows that she still loves her. She still loves Yennefer, more than anything that has or ever will exist. She feels as if her heart is being squeezed, the phantom hand of fate clenching her old heart in it's unforgiving fist. A weight has been pushed on her chest and it just makes her want to shatter. In just a few minutes she's lost everything. Yennefer will never love her, because Yennefer no longer needs too.

She lets herself slump deeper into the couch, all strength having been ripped from her body with the revaluation. Everything she's ever said to Yennefer, everything Yennefer has said to her… it's all set in stone. Why pursue someone who will never love you? It's all so hopeless, and Tissaia hates it! She hates it with every ounce of her being! Why did this have to happen now? She was so sure that they could make amends and be happy someday, she had been planning to reconcile with Yennefer after a year or two, make up and try again. Her visit to Rinde hadn't just been for the Brotherhood, it had been for her too. Now she will never be able to fix this, she will never be loved. It's crushing, like a boulder has been set on her back and she is meant to hold it until the end of time. This boulder is her love, the one thing that gave her life meaning after the council's decision to allow magic-less girls into her halls. Aretuza is no longer the same, it may never be the same again. But then she didn't care as much, not when she had the certainty that she and Yennefer would always have each other. That's gone. Her life has been ruined, and she needs to know why.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Tissaia had spent months in the library of Aretuza, searching endlessly for answers in the countless volumes the shelves hold. A lot had happened during these months, more talentless noble girls had been added to the ranks of her novices, their families having paid for their education here. The council has been relentless, and though she loathes to allow these girls into her class, she can do nothing about it. She has tried, but failed, the chapter is unwilling to pay as much as it once did for the education of female mages. To rub salt into the wound, they have decided that her school was in need of more nobility. She can do so little with these young ladies, not much more than teach them potions. This entire situation had been taking up a large amount of her time. On top of this, there has been possible growing conflict between the north and the south. Nilfgard, it seems, has grown restless and yearns to take some of the north for itself. More specifically, Cintra.

The little bit of time Tissaia has had to look for answers about her severed bind to Yennefer has been relatively fruitless. Most of the tomes on soulmates talk about finding them rather than losing them, and Tissaia already knows full well how that works. There have been a few brief excerpts about artificial bonds and multiple soulmates, this has been relatively helpful, but not quite what she's looking for. The passage about artificial bonds speaks about changes in soulmates do to changes in the course of one's destiny, but there's nothing about someone not having one when that happens. Back to square one, and at this point Tissaia is starting to wonder whether or not she should give up. She refuses too of course, if there's one trait Tissaia shares with Yennefer, it's her stubbornness and unwillingness to give up easily. As a final result, seeing as how scoring the school library is useless at this point, Tissaia decides to see a druid.

Druids, in Tissaia's opinion, are insignificant in comparison to the trained mages of the brotherhood. Well, the ones trained by her. Those Ban Ard boys may be adept in magic, but they lack a lot in commonsense, much like their rector Stregobore. Despite this, she knows that they are more attuned to nature and spirituality than herself and the aforementioned mages of her specific type. That is why she decided upon visiting Visenna, though she was very difficult to find. Tissaia had run into her once and the druid sorceress owes her a favor.

The woods are not Tissaia's most favored place, namely because the briar and bushes seem to enjoy clinging to her skirts. The air is slightly chilly, a soft breeze weaving itself through the trees around her. She can smell the earthy scent of the dirt beneath her feet, and the freshness of the oaks all around her. The leaves rustle with the breeze, filling the forest with background noise for the twittering of birds. She must admit, the forest can be a lovely and calming place, but she is not here for peace or beauty. She is here for answers. And when she finally sees a tendril of smoke lifting through the trees and feels a rippling of chaos in the air, she becomes confident that she will finally get them. 

Visenna, as it seems, is not too thrilled at Tissaia's appearance in her camp. On the contrary, she greets Tissaia with a nearly unreadable expression, Tissaia can still see irritation in her green eyes though. Visenna has not changed too much since their last meeting, her hair is still it's long silky ginger color. And her skin, through it may be marred with dirt in some places, is still a peachy pale. Visenna regards her with mild interest and is quick to return to her previous activity. That activity, as it appears, seems to be creating potions of some kind. Most likely one of healing properties, as the druid is known for her specialty as a healer.

"You're here to call in my favor I presume?" The ginger says in a soft voice. Tissaia approaches and stands within Visenna's line of sight.

"Yes actually. I should hope it won't take too long." Tissaia says in response. The only acknowledgement she gets from Viseanna is a quick glance and hum. Visenna gestures for her to sit and corks the bottle of the potion she'd been working on. Regrettably, there are no chairs here, so Tissia hesitantly settles herself on a mossy stump, the seat of her dress will undoubtedly be dirty but she has little choice at this point. She smooths out the wrinkles and folds in the lap of her dress and presses her palms together, resting them primly on her lap.

"Visenna… do you know anything about soulmates?" Tissaia asks, keeping her voice even and impassive. Visenna looks at Tissaia skeptically before answering, clearly confused at why Tissaia De Vries of all people would ask that sort of question.

"Of course I do Rectoress. But you already knew that… why do you ask?" Tissaia hesitates for a moment before answering Viseanna. She may trust this person some, but her faith in the druid is flimsy, at best. After taking a deep breath Tissaia finally answers,

"It would appear that the bond between my soulmate and I has… disappeared. I've done my own research on the matter of course, but I found nothing. The bond just seemed to have ceased to exist." Visenna regards Tissaia's statement silently, clearly in thought. She rises from her spot by the small fire and assesses Tissaia. Tissaia can feel Visenna's searching her aura of chaos to see the problem, usually Tissaia would have wards to keep people from being able to read her, but right now that's unnecessary.

"Well… you don't have a soulmate anymore, that much is for sure." She says, going over to the fire pit and pulling a charred stick from the bottom, being careful not to burn herself. She grabs a flat stone from where she had been making her potions and kneels in front of Tissaia. She takes the charred stick and draws on the rock, her eyes close. Tissaia can still feel Visenna's chaos mingling with her own, but more forceful now, she is searching. Tissaia opens herself up more, hoping to make the process easier.

She watches as Visenna scribbles blindly on the flat rock, from what Tissaia can see, there seem to be points in a triangle. One is an x, another is a circle, and the last one is a square. The x is at the upper most point, and the other two shapes are adjacent to each other below it. With the stick, Visenna draws a faint, slightly squiggly, line connecting the circle and the square. She starts drawing another line connecting the x and the circle with intense pressure. Then, the stick snaps, right between the two shapes. Visenna tosses the stick away and looks up at Tissaia, she wears an expression of pity… perhaps sadness, on her face.

"What does that mean?" Tissaia asks, fearful of the answer.

"Your soulmate has been stolen from you." Visenna says, looking at Tissaia and then back at the rock. She shows the drawing to her. "You are the x, your former soulmate is the circle, and their new soulmate is the square." Visenna explains.

"The line connecting your soulmate and their new one stems from the square. They did something that took away your bond to the person depicted as the circle and connected them self to them. Your bond to your soulmate has been erased." Viseanna says, tracing the lines. Tissaia looks at the rock, trying to stifle her rising anger. Taking a deep breath, she stands and looks at Visenna.

"So you're telling me that someone forced my Yennefer to be their soulmate?" Tissaia says, barely able to keep her fury out of her tone. Visenna takes a step back and bows her head in acknowledgment. Tissaia breathes in deeply, closing her eyes and clenching her fists. When she looks back at Visenna, she asks one last question.

"Who did it?" She asks, seething with rage and clenching her jaw afterwards. Visenna regards Tissaia wearily before answering. Clearly, she doesn't want to answer this question, but she knows it would be wrong not too.

"Geralt of Rivia." Visenna says. Tissaia let's out a puff of air and nods to Visenna. She turns and opens a portal, but right before walking through, Visenna calls her name. Tissaia looks back, not bothering to hide her irritation.

"Don't go after him, Rectoress… his role in this world is too important to jepropardize right now. It could mean the end of the world should you do any harm to him." She warns, an ounce of fear evident in her voice. Tissaia stills for a moment, processing the words and deciding whether or not she cares anymore. She decides that the good of the continent is worth more than petty revenge.

"Thank you Visenna." Says Tissaia, before she crosses through the portal and into her rooms at Aretuza. The room is quiet and calm. She walks over behind her desk and regards some of the many books she had taken from the library before her visit to Visenna. Useless knowledge written in the pages of these books that just had to be wrong. Tissaia is a collected woman, always in control, always prepared, and always a portrait of perfection. From the way she carries herself to the way she speaks and thinks, she is flawless and powerful. This room is just like her, perfect and spotless.

Her office is perfectly organized, not a thing out of place, as it has always been. That is, until she lets loose a bellow of flaming rage and swipes everything from her desks surface. Using her arms as a sort of plow as if she's clearing up snow or tilling a field for planting season. Papers, inkwells, books, and many other items that were once neatly placed on it's mahogany surface, litter the floor. The inkwell shattered and spilled the black liquid onto the floor and some of the papers that were flung down from their previous residence. Jaw clenched and blood boiling, she tears a bookshelf from the wall and spills its contents to the floor. The shelf falls to the ground with a loud thump, and with the clench of her fist, a resounding cracking noise fills the room. The shelf is now in pieces, shattered and irreparable, much like Tissaia's heart at this moment.

She menouvers around her desk, tearing violently at her traveling cloak and tossing it across the room. She brings her arms in close to her chest and forces them out quickly, stretching them from her sides. This motion causes the two adjacent long benches to slide and tumble across the floor with a deafening screeching sound. She destroys everything. 

Tissaia De Vries, queen of ice, cruel and callous Rectoress of Aretuza and Arch Mistress of the Brotherhood. The most powerful enchantress on the continent and to have ever existed. The sorceress who has ended many wars and united the continent with the Brotherhood of Sorcerers to bring peace amongst all of the kingdoms. Tissaia De Vries, sorceress who came from nothing and changed her name so that she may never be treated as nothing again. The most disciplined mage of the current time… Tissaia De Vries, who has lost the one person who truly mattered to her and all she can do is lose her precious control.Tissaia De Vries, former soulmate of Yennefer of Vengerberg… who has nothing left but her precious Aretuza.

"I've lost you Yennefer…" Tissaia whispers to herself, her furious rampage finally over, leaving behind but just the trembling form of a broken woman.

"And with you, I've lost a part of myself." And with these words, she fell to her knees and became what she swore she never would. She became the most hideous thing imaginable… a crying sorceress.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written angst before, so I'm not so sure how good this is, but I tried! Please comment any critiques or opinions, and thank you for reading.
> 
> My tumblr is GayLlamaFromSpace if you wanna interact on there.


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